I had something difficult to say this week. I didn’t want to say it, but nevertheless it had to be said. I reflected and made notes on how to say it and after several iterations felt it was sayable. It troubled my sleep the night before and I was still undecided about whether to say anything the following morning. Then I listened to the Coldplay song ‘Miracles’ and after that I knew I would speak.
The lyrics for the chorus are:
Now you could run and just say they’re right
No I’ll never be no one in my whole life
Or you could turn and say no wait they’re wrong
And get to keep on dancing all life long
I spoke and it all went fine and the connection between those of us in the conversation is, I think, stronger.
My upbringing has made it very hard for me to say the difficult things. My habit is to avoid conflict and instead fuel resentment. I don’t want to rock the boat and I want to be liked the best. But not speaking my truth disempowers me and stepping up and speaking it keeps me dancing!
I can only do that now through my Compassion and Insight training. The Compassion training has given me the resources of self-kindness, strength and wisdom to face my fear and do what I think is right regardless of the consequences. My Insight training helps me not to buy into the stories I tell myself about what people will think of me and how I will be disliked and isolated from the group. Generally, it goes a lot better than I imagine, people value the honesty and respect emerges.
Last weekend I taught on the first Compassion weekend of the MSc in Mindfulness with Aberdeen University (click here for more information). We saw significant breakthroughs where some of our course participants saw how some of the habits that they had used to protect themselves when they were young, were limiting their lives now. There were tears of hope and relief that they didn’t have to continue to follow these habits any more. Habits that had limited and disempowered them in their life. A powerful catharsis we experienced together as a group – safe in each other’s presence. This is the Miracle of Compassion and we can all benefit from it.
The practice that really seemed to help was the Compassionate colour guided practice, which is available on our completely free Compassion Based Living app.
When I experience a difficulty, I may shed an odd tear. It is the kind response to a difficulty from myself and from others, or the joy and hope of our human potential that really touches me and has me in tears.
Jane and I are leading the Compassion course at Samye Ling this year and you are very welcome to join us (click here for more information).
And in preparation, why not join us for our ‘Joyful Club’ membership weekend (click here for more information) and build with us the resources required to face the difficulties on our Compassion journey. The difficulties are where it’s at when it comes to personal growth through practice.
If we have practiced we can bring our Compassionate colour to mind to give us the courage to face what needs to be faced and to respond with kindness and wisdom and a heartfelt desire to connect authentically with ourselves and those around us. Give it a go!
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