The loving kindness practise invites us to not only turn kindness and compassion inwards it invites us also to offer that same caring compassion to others. The “Just Like Me” practise takes it a step further and invites us to consider someone in our life who perhaps we don’t find it easy to get on with, who we might find frustrating or –  to use a modern idiom – who we find pushes our buttons and to start at the point “they are just like me.”

This might seem counterintuitive but by learning to see those people who challenge us as essentially being just like us, driven by hopes and fears and worries, it enables us to relate to them differently. This doesn’t mean just being nice to them or pretending that there aren’t difficulties, but what it does do is allow us to see those difficulties in a wider perspective.  We can recognise that they too are driven buy things that upset, worry and frustrate them and that this is often what is driving their behaviour.

This also allows us the space to recognise them as human, breaking down the ideas of “you and me”, “us and them”. These divisions start in the mind but drive wedges into society, from the person we struggle with in the workplace all the way up to the roots of global conflict.

Once we can recognise in those who challenge us that they are essentially “just like me” we can start to change the way we relate to them, bring compassion to them also give ourselves the mental space to respond with nuance to them and the difficult situations rather than with rejection or anger.

Ultimately this practise is freeing it enables us to step back from the friction that can cause to suffer when we engage people who we find difficult.

This is the beauty of mindfulness, this is the beauty of compassion, this is the beauty of interconnectedness. Just like me that person wants to be happy, healthy, to feel safe and go through their day with a sense of ease.

I started practicing mindfulness in 2011 and up until I first plonked my derriere on a cushion, I had never given any thought to meditation. My GP had suggested I try mindfulness as a way of managing stress and anxiety but to say I was sceptical would be quite the understatement!

I was a “hardline sceptic”, someone who considered meditation as nebulous and esoteric at best (I’ll spare you the other judgements that ran through my mind when thinking of the subject). I was convinced it couldn’t possibly help me, but I had been suffering with stress and anxiety for so long that I thought “what have I got to lose?” And so off I went with a sceptical skip in my step to an 8-week course and despite my reticence, I stuck with it.

This decision to complete that 8-week course is up there with the best decisions I have made in my life.

Although it would be wrong to say that initial 8 weeks completely changed my life, it did sow the seeds of behaviours and practices that would change my life for the (much!) better.  Within those 8 weeks I noticed changes that I wanted to develop.  I was happier, I was responding to stress triggers differently and I was much kinder to myself in the face of my inner critic. I knew I had to continue so I signed up for the MSc Studies in Mindfulness and this time the course really did change my life.

Those three years were profoundly impactful.  I developed my practice and built friendships in a community that shared this wonderful practice, that offered kindness and support.   I felt more connected to my direct experience, had less stress and rumination and I was more content, happy even.  Because of this I made the decision to abandon a safe career in the NHS and to teach mindfulness to others.

I wanted to offer other people what my mindful teachers had given me, to share with them the simple yet profound capacity of this practice to change your life. It soon went beyond reducing my stress and anxiety and opened up a whole new way of experiencing life. I meet the richness of life and appreciate the good and ride out the difficult and painful in a way that I would never been able to if I’d not sat down on that cushion, close my eyes and breathed.

Each time I now sit, I remember that first step (scepticism and all!) as part of my ongoing journey.  Why not connect with your motivation again and simply be?

Anxiety might arise in relation to a worry or concern about something happening in our life. Maybe an upcoming house move or a job interview.

It might also arise because we have a strong habit of anxiety, which we have cultivated over many years, so that we become concerned when we don’t have something to be anxious about. Worry thoughts just pop into the mind randomly, we engage them and get caught up in catastrophising thinking loops which feed our anxiety.

We might also experience existential anxiety when our meditation practice is about to generate a significant insight. Such insights can change the way we think about ourselves, what we think we are and how we think the mind works. Or they can change the way we think about the world, what it is and its true nature. We might think, if my perspective changes, who would I be? How would I live in the world? What would the consequences for my life be? I wouldn’t be who I think I am!

I remember once being on retreat when I had an insight about how mean I had been to someone. This contradicted my idea of myself as a kind person and so was very threatening. I remember being very upset and overwhelmed. Not because I had been mean to this person, but because my image of who I thought I was had been challenged. This insight threatened my sense of self.

Transformative insights are very valuable in enabling us to see and come to terms with deeply ingrained habits. They are the basis of deep personal growth which over time reduces our levels of day to day suffering (and that of those around us) and increases our overall happiness. If we can unconditionally accept these old habitual patterns they tend to transform themselves by a process which Krishnamurti called ‘The seeing is the doing’. When we see clearly and in a felt sense way how our habitual patterns cause harm, then they tend to transform themselves. But after such transformation, who would I be?

So, this kind of existential anxiety can be a significant block to our progress of meditation practice. So how do we proceed?

First, we familiarise ourselves with the components that make up anxiety, the thoughts we buy into, how anxiety feels, and any emotions that accompany the anxiety. Then we can hold these components in a wider space and see them for what they really are,  habitual happenings within the mind and learn that we don’t have to buy into them and make them real.

Second, we cultivate courage. There is no courage without fear. The deeper the fear the stronger the courage. Compassionate imagery can help us here to cultivate an ally that has absolute courage and strength to support us in facing anxiety when it arises.

If this is something you are interested in exploring, then why not try our Managing Anxiety Course starting in September. You can find more information here.

In January we are launching a 31-day Mindfulness Practice challenge, as a way of supporting the wonderful work for The Everyone Project (it is also way to refresh your mindfulness practice for the new year to come!!).

The Everyone Project is a charity that was set up as an offshoot of the Mindfulness Association.  It had become increasingly clear to us that despite our aim to make mindfulness accessible to all, many people were struggling to access courses and missing out on the benefits and support it can bring.

The Everyone Project was set up with the purpose to make mindfulness accessible to those who need it most. We know that the benefits of mindfulness can be life-changing, yet many people face barriers, be they financial pressures, social issues, or personal realities, that prevent them from accessing the courses and training that could so benefit them.

And so the idea was born of offering our Mindfulness Based Living Course (MBLC) at no cost to allow as many people as possible to engage in practicing mindfulness.  The idea is to help disadvantaged and isolated groups, and those living with multiple stressors, to connect with mindfulness and to help them flourish and achieve their true potential.

The Mission

At the Everyone Project, we set ourselves the goal of giving the gift of mindfulness so that everyone in society has the opportunity to flourish.  This might seem like a tall order, but it is something we commit to, one person at a time, echoing how mindfulness deals with each moment at a time!

The work we offer is guided by two core aims:

• • Advancing education and health by making mindfulness and related skills available in line with the Mindfulness Association Approach.
  • Advancing scientific understanding by researching the impact of mindfulness interventions to inform future developments.

The Future of the Project

The Everyone Project works because of the selfless commitment of our teachers, organisers and wider team, who offer their skills for free.  This approach is imbued with the attitudes of kindness and compassion that are at the heart of the Mindfulness Association and the work has brought the benefit of mindfulness to many. If you would like to know more about the Everyone Project and its work, click here (link)

However, the work of the Everyone Project is far from over and it will require support from others if it is to continue to help people access mindfulness courses and flourish. If you would like to support the work, why not sign up for our 31-Day Charity Mindfulness Challenge here and help those who really need the support access this wonderful practice?