Having loved enough and lost enough,
I am no longer searching,
just opening.
No longer trying to make sense of pain,
but trying to be a soft and sturdy home
in which real things can land.
These are the irritations that rub into a pearl
So we can talk awhile
but then we must listen,
the way rocks listen to the sea
And we can churn at all that goes wrong
but then we must lay all distractions down,
and water every living seed.
And yes, on nights like tonight
I too feel alone. but seldom do I
face it squarely enough
to see that it is a door
into the endless breath
that has no breather
into the surf that human shells
call god.
by Mark Nepo
Ah, this poem from Mark Nepo’s collection ‘The Way Under the Way’ moves me in so many ways, and I’m not the only one who feels it. I found a beautiful short video inspired by it, and when I read it out to others recently, I loved hearing how people were touched by different elements of it.
Partly it’s what opens itself within me when I’m wondering – what would it be like to search less and open more? to no longer try to make sense of pain? to listen the way rocks listen to the sea? to face my aloneness squarely enough to recognise it as a doorway into the sacred? I love it when poets name experiences that I recognise in ways that wouldn’t have occured to me, like the ‘endless breath that has no breather’ or the ‘surf that human shells call god’. That longing, do you have that too? Do you give it enough space to be able to face it, to realise it as a door?
Even in this moment, a songbird in the garden, life happening around me and the possibility of that doorway right here…
But the day is full with pre-planned Things-to-Do and while I will endeavour to face all that’s in my day squarely and kindly, I know that I benefit from the space that at this point in my life requires a formal meditation (or even better, a retreat) context. Whether it’s an hour or a practice day or a longer retreat in a special place, the gift of space to lay distractions down and watering every seed is priceless…
And, writing from the morning after the longest night of the northern hemisphere, may there be plenty of those gifts of space in the year to come!
PS if you’re longing for some practice or retreat space, there are free daily meditations and plenty retreats to choose from…